Koningsdag or King’s Day (27th April) in the Netherlands is such a boring day. Especially if you go to Amsterdam – then it’s particularly awful. I wouldn’t recommend you go, definitely not. You’ll have a rubbish time. Honest.
1. Everyone wears sensible, somber clothing. Mostly black or grey.2. No one drinks. At all.
3. Especially not on the street. There is a high level of class and decorum at all times.
4. No fun is allowed. And especially no dancing!
5. And strictly no Dad Dancing.
6. The canals are really empty and boring too. Nothing going on there.7. The streets are deserted. Nothing to see here!
8. There’s nothing to do. You can’t get funny caricatures of yourself drawn on the street by Stan Heinze, Dutch caricaturist and comic artist.
8. Or throw wet sponges at your mates for shits and giggles.
9. You definitely can’t do that. I told you – no fun allowed.
10. There’s no messing around or being silly. Or you’ll get arrested by the fun police.
11. The parks are completely desolate on King’s Day. Especially Vondelpark. Completely empty.
12. There’s no one taking advantage of the vrijmarkt (free market) and selling their old tat.
13. Or asking you to pay 50 cents to look in a box.
14. And did I mention… NO DRINKING!
15. And under no circumstances can roads be closed or traffic stopped for revellers.
16. Later on in the evening, everyone is completely sober. No parties, no staying up late. Everyone just has an early night.
17. Completely, 100% sober. I told you, right?
18. It definitely doesn’t get blurry. And people definitely don’t crash their boats whilst drunk.
19. You see, King Willem-Alexander is a very sober man. Never had a drink in his life… and his nickname definitely wasn’t Prins Pils (Lager Prince) in his student days, before be became King.20. Happy King’s Day everyone. I hope you have a really ongezellig time. Better to just stay at home that day really.